Going to college in a small-town rural setting, our options on any given weekend night were limited. Or maybe we just limited ourselves: we could have gone to the movies, or gone hiking, or tried to make friends outside of campus and entered a local social scene that way. But no, that would have required too much work. Instead, we got really, really drunk with each other in various basements and living rooms.
To add some variety to what may seem a stale social life, we found creative ways to get faded off new, varied brands of alcohol. And we did this with another aim in mind: to get as drunk as possible for as cheap as possible. We were ballin’ on a budget and soon found drinks that gave us the most bang for our buck. Perusing the aisles at the local sketchy corner store that sold to minors, we discovered what other college students, hipsters, and homeless people the world over already knew: malt beverages are awesome. Malt liquor, bum wine, mysterious fusion drinks – the possibilities are endless.
Given my habits in my wilder, degenerate alcoholic days, I think it is safe to consider myself a malt beverage aficionado, if not an expert given my extensive knowledge on a vast array of brands. Here are my picks for the Top Ten Best Brands of Malt Beverages. And by “best” I mean cheapest/dirtiest/awesomest. Beverages are ranked based on alcohol percentage to cost ratio, taste (or lack thereof), packaging, and fun factor.